Friday, August 6, 2010

For the record: I'm NOT old

I had my first physical at the doctor's office today in 10 years.  Oops.  Word to the wise:  Do not wait 10 years...they pull out a different sheet of questions to ask you.  I must have gotten the "blue" list, instead of the typical "yellow" questions.  No one asked me:  "Is there any chance you could be pregnant?"  I mean, isn't that the FIRST question they always ask?  No matter where you go for who knows what?!

Nope...Here's what I got.

" are 42, correct?" (oh this right?  It sounds old...ya, that's right though)

 "Are you still having periods?" (um...YA. Like clockwork.)

"Are you taking hormones?"  (WHAT?!  Um. NO. Am I supposed to be?)

"Look lady, can't ya see the pink streaks in my hair?  I'm young and hip.  Quit asking these ridiculous questions and give me my PAP smear.  Let's get on with it.  And just in case you want to know, NO, I am NOT pregnant...and the only reason I'm NOT is because my husband is FIXED.  For the record."

Monday, August 2, 2010

The Milkbone Diet

Parenting techniques change from generation to generation.  That's also true for each subsequent child.

When my first baby dropped her pacifier on the floor, I would diligently put a pot of water on the stove.  When it came to a rolling boil I would submerge it for a minimum of 5 minutes~ after all, boiling water is the ONLY thing that will kill germs, right?

With baby #2, she would get her paci/toy rinsed off under some running water--all of the germs would be safely rinsed down the drain.

Baby #3, who was a true pacifier ADDICT, would get her suck-suck (as we call them in our family) wiped-off on my jeans.

Baby #4 would get the 5 second rule (or maybe 10).  If it falls to the floor for less than 10 seconds, it doesn't count, you're good to go.

Baby #5.  Well...let me tell you about baby #5.

Signe was born in August of 2000.  Not quite a year later we got our first puppy.  Naturally, Corduroy (yes, this German Shepard/Chinese Fighting Dog mix is named after the teddy bear with a missing button--though some call him "Cujo".) liked Milkbones.  He would lie on the carpet and chew his Milkbone and small pieces would fall from his mouth.  The problem was, Signe would sit by him and wait for the chunks to fall.  Anxiously, she would snatch up these chunks and eat...

Now, I'm not totally a reckless mother.  At her one year check up, I confessed of her diet to her pediatrician.  The doctor said "No biggie...there is nothing inedible in Milkbones".  So with her blessing, Signe ate Milkbones for 8 years.  Last year came a big disappointment.  We opened a brand new box of Milkbones and right away Signe let us know, "They changed the formula".  She has never had one since.